Single moms and a gift of soul lodge

I could tell you all about my story of being a single mom from the time by son was four. (he is now 26)  About all the struggles, heartaches, and guilt.  About learning to think differently about what my family looked like.  And holidays and birthdays. About wondering if I was going to survive.  I could tell you about all that and I will someday.  Someday when we are sitting around the fire sharing our stories. I will tell you about having a grown son and a battered spirit and starting to find ways to rediscover my center.  I discovered An Artful Journey and Squam. And from Squam I found the gift of Pixie and Soul Lodge. With Soul Lodge I found the place to start calling my spirit back.

So all this to say to all of the single mothers, I would love to gift the experience of summer Soul Lodge to  one of you. It is such an amazing journey. Trust that inner voice that speaks to you and if you are so inclined leave a comment to have a chance of of joining us in Summer Soul Lodge. I will leave the comments open until the evening of the 13th.

Blessings

June 13th...
Congratulation to Tinachicky!  It is my honor to gift you with the experience of
Summer Soul Lodge.  Please send me you contact info and I will be in touch.
AHO!
lindywear@hotmail.com

Fun Mail Day & Fun with Suzy!

I went to the mailbox several days ago and found two of my favorite things






I have always loved magazines and catalogs. It is a bit of an obsession. I remember as a young girl spending hours with the Sears catalog and a pen planning rooms that I would have some day. I would circle all the items of clothing that would hang in my closet if I dreamed hard enough. I tore pages out of magazines with recipes and decorating ideas and still do. In my quest to have less stuff in my life and because we live a bicoastal life, I have made most of my magazine subscriptions digital and read them on my ipad. The one I still get in the mail is Anthology. I read every issue over and over and am always inspired. If you aren't familiar with Anthology it is worth checking it out!


One of my other favorite things is bags! Bags in any form! Purses, totes, pouches. I love them all. This obsession also started when I was young. I remember watching That Girl with Marlo Thomas and being so fascinated with her clothes and that she had a different purse to match every outfit. At the time I thought that was the coolest thing ever! I don't have bags to match all my outfits ( I am not sure what I wear qualifies as outfits!) but I do love a good bag. My new purse is from Bookhou and makes me so happy! I don't know how many pieces you have to own to qualifiy as a collector of an artists work but I think I am there. I love Arounna's work. On my list of fun things to do is a field trip to Toronto to visit Bookhou and meet her.

I love the memories that have influenced the things I love. Sometimes it is the simple things I love the most.

I am heading to Berkeley this weekend for a two day workshop with Suzy Pilgrim Waters and Sarajo Frieden. I met Suzy at Squam last fall and was so inspired by her in many ways. She is pure joy and fun! I was so happy to hear that she was coming to the Teahouse Studio to teach with her friend Sarajo. It is going to be an awesome fun weekend! Check out the Teahouse website and all the amazing workshops happening. It is such a warm welcoming and wonderful place to take a workshop and just be around creative spirits.


Have a good weekend!

On Feeling Lost and not Knowing

I seem to have lost my way a bit the past few months so things have been quiet on my little blog. It has been a time of more questions than answers. Doing battle with the choir of self doubt that likes to sing in my head from time to time. (more often than I would like) A time of mostly being unsure of myself, my choices, and my direction. But like all times of darkness and doubt, clarity does come around. This time with the help of some healing work. I am not quite there but I am seeing lots of light. More and more clarity and less self doubt. In the words of Caroline Myss "it is time to call back your spirit". That is my work right now.

We are leaving our little house in Maine and heading back to California in a couple of days. We usually leave right after Thanksgiving but this year decided to stay for Christmas and New Year's. It has been a lovely time. We sold our California house earlier this summer and put our belongings in storage so will be renting an apartment for a few months. We are going to move only what we really need and live very simply for our stay there. I am really looking forward to that. The rest is unknown. We may or may not buy another house. Maybe in California, maybe not. We may or may not take a road trip. We are unsure where we might end up in the winter. It may be different every year. Lots of unknown but it feels like a good opportunity to practice just being where I am and doing what I am doing at the moment without thinking too far ahead. I'm thinking that it's not a bad place to be.

I am looking to the New Year with great hope and anticipation. Lots of adventures, creative time, and general joy making! I wish the same for you.

Blessings

The Beauty That is Squam

sunrise from cabin window

I have been home from Squam for a few days and am still struggling to find words to describe this most magical place. Words to describe what happens there. What I do know for sure is that when that many creative spirits come together with open hearts and outstretched arms magic does happen. Wide open hearts connect with others, every outstretched arm links with the next, and a circle is formed. A circle that fills you with love. A circle that lifts your spirit and holds space for all that you dream of. A circle that will support and encourage you to be your very best authentic self.



It is in this most magical place that I feel most myself. In this place I feel accepted and loved. In this place I feel worthy. And in this place I feel extraordinarily blessed. Blessed to be given space to open my heart and link arms and be part of this tribe.

I will share more over the next few days but for now I leave you with part of a poem that Elizabeth read Sunday morning before we left.

A Morning Offering

I place on the altar of dawn:
The quiet loyalty of breath,
The tent of thought where I shelter,
Wave of desire I am shore to
And all beauty drawn to the eye

May my mind come alive today
To the invisible geography
That invites me to new frontiers,
To break the dead shell of yesterdays,
To risk being disturbed and changed.

May I have the courage today
To live the life that I would love,
To postpone my dream no longer
But do at last what I came here for
And waste my heart on fear no more.


John O'Donohue

Blessings

Heading Out

My bags are packed and waiting. The house is clean. The fridge is empty. I am heading out Saturday morning for a couple of days in Las Vegas for a family wedding and then on to our sweet little island house in Maine. I have had a much needed month of solitude and quiet and mostly feel ready to participate in the world again.(Maybe I should start slow!) I have had time to quiet all the external chatter and get some clarity about many areas of my life. I have seen very few people. Mostly my favorite son and my chiropractor. There has been some art making, a little bit of embroidery, lots of journal writing, late evening walks, and listening to singing birds. Lots of self care and nurturing.

Going back to the island is a different kind of nurturing. There is lots of space and breathing room. I am much more social there. For such a tiny little town there is an abundance of summertime events and activities. I am looking forward to having dinner parties, drinks on the decks, long walks, farmer's market, making art, hanging out with family, art receptions, sitting on the deck, and lots of lobster!

jaz and favorite son

I am also very excited to see my puppy! She went to Maine with my husband a month ago so I have been missing her company but I know she is very happy on the island.


I am thinking I am going to unplug for a few weeks. I love being connected to the blogging community and facebook but sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by it. So for now I think I will settle back into island life with my family and having an awesome summer. I want to do only the things that truly make my heart sing and be willing to let the rest go.



I wish you an awesome summer!

In Solitude

Setting Intentions

Quieting the Chatter

Finding the Silence

Being Gentle

Holding Space for Clarity

Being Grateful

Gearing Up for Summer

For us that means heading back to Maine to our wonderful little house on the island. I always look forward to returning and the ritual of opening the house and settling back in to our life there. The smell of sweetgrass, peonies, and lilacs. We have a wonderful community of friends and family. As much as I look forward to returning, this summer I have decided to take a little extra time before I go East. My husband will leave in a few days to fly back with our dog. I am going to stay in California for a few weeks for some much needed solitude. A few weeks of nothing to do but take care of my own well being. Days with nothing but my own company and my own rhythm.

A few weeks of painting, creating, exploring, and playing.

Time to just sit with my thoughts.

And time to just breathe.

I am still looking forward to going to Maine and having an awesome time. Just a little bit later this year.


What are you looking forward to this summer?

Teahouse Studio and Blooming True

There is nothing like a group of women who have all gathered with open hearts and creative spirits. We gathered at the beautiful Teahouse Studio in Berkeley to paint, be inspired, and Bloom True with the amazing Flora Bowley.


This was my second class with Flora and I feel like I have just scratched the surface. What I get from her and her process of painting is about so much more than painting. It encourages me to stretch past my comfort level and how I look at life. Flora's philosophies about painting ring true for me about how I want to approach my life. There are no mistakes. Trust yourself. Recognize "happy accidents". Be authentic. And so much more to carry with me.



These are the two paintings I worked on over the two days. There will be many more layers added before I feel like they are done.


The Teahouse Art Studio is a great space full of light and energy. Mati, Tiffany, and Stef have created a wonderful welcoming space to gather, be inspired, and create. They have some wonderful classes lined up and more coming. If you haven't checked out their website I encourage you to visit often and go take a class. You will meet the most amazing women and have tons of fun! Give yourself a gift.

Old Interest Revisited

When I was young I wanted to be a designer. What I was going to design changed from time to time but the desire was always there. I remember in high school reading an article about Vera Neumann and her painted scarves. The idea that you could have a business painting on fabric was fascinating to me at the time. This of course was after periods of being equally fascinated by designing clothes, jewelry, and rooms. I have again become interested in the idea of painting on fabric. Right now I am really inspired by Lotta Jansdotter and Lena Corwin. I bought Lotta's stencils several months ago and finally took time to play with them. Super fun and easy! A canvas bag from Michaels, fabric paint, and about 1/2 hour later you have a cute bag. Next up is trying my hand at carving my own lino blocks and stamps. I have a stack of napkins and tea towels ready to go!

I am off to Berkeley tomorrow for a play day and then a 2 day workshop with the amazing Flora Bowley at the Teahouse Studio. Looking forward to an awesome weekend!

Wishing you an awesome weekend!

Flora Inspired

Are you familiar with Flora's work? Take a minute (or several) and spend some time on her website. You will be inspired. In a couple of weeks I will be heading up the road (more like the freeway) to Berkeley to take another class with her. This time it will be two days at the Teahouse Studio. I am very excited. I love the intuitive way she paints and can't wait to explore it more. I am needing some inspiration.

Check out the Teahouse Studio sight if you haven't already. They have some great classes lined up!


Are you taking any fun classes?

I Had Good Intentions!

I had great intentions after Artful Journey. I really did. I wanted to share the weekend with all its goodness and inspiration. But instead I fell into the dark hole that I sometimes fall into. I am working on crawling out but this has been a tough one. But the sun is shining, spring is here and there is always a new day.

I don't really have a lot of words right now so I will just share some pictures of my art that I worked on during my amazing Artful Journey.

My work from Stephanie Lee's plaster class.
Plaster on burlap glued to a board.

Plaster gauze wrapped around cardboard.
More plaster applied over a stencil.



Pieces in progress

I had so much fun playing with the plaster. Taking such simple materials like plaster and cardboard and creating art. They were painted with inexpensive craft acrylics. I had not played with plaster since grade school when we poured it into milk cartons and then carved it. There is nothing like getting messy and making art.

There is also the magical place and the awesome ladies from this adventure. I will share those soon.



Happy Spring!

Returning

One year ago I attended my very first art retreat. It sounds so simple now but a year ago I was terrified. I wrote about it here and here. It was the beginning of a year of finding my way again. I still have a lot of self doubt and criticism. I haven't quite found my center yet but the fog is beginning to clear. I am learning my own truth and listening to my own voice.

Thursday morning I am returning to An Artful Journey. I am beyond excited to be back at this most amazing retreat. Cindy has lined up the most amazing group of teachers and after much agonizing over which class I wanted to take I finally followed my gut feeling and will be getting messy with Stephanie Lee in her plaster class. I love her work and am looking forward to all she has to share and exploring something new. I will reconnect with friends I met last year and meet new ones. We will talk and laugh, make art and share our stories. I will feed my soul, heal my spirit and expand my heart.

Will I see you there?

How Did That Happen?

My little boy turns 25 today! How did that happen? I feel like he was just at the stage that I was trying to get him to understand why he should sleep more than 2 hours at a time and now he is a grown up. We have not always had a easy time of things, he and I. Being a single mother of a boy child is not a easy thing. My mama bear instincts have always been and still are very fierce! There were many years that I fought with him, about him, and for him. He has taught me as many lessons as I hope I have taught him and now here we are. A very proud mom and her adult child. I am blessed and honored to be his mother.

Happy Birthday Mr B. I wish for you all your heart desires

Embrace

Embrace

to take up especially readily or gladly
to avail oneself of
to take in or included as a part, item, or element of a more inclusive whole

So that is it. My word for 2011. I will show up fully and embrace every day and all that is offered within that day. My creative journey, my relationships, my dreams. All of the big moments and the not so big moments. I will embrace opportunities and gifts and growth. The perfect and the not so perfect. I will embrace it all and I will celebrate it.


what is your word?

Reflecting

As 2010 comes to a close I have been doing a bit of reflecting on the year. Was it a good year? Did I accomplish what I wanted? Was there growth? Is my spirit in a good place? My first thought was no. I did not accomplish all I wanted so it was not a good year. But is that really true? Is that me just hanging on to what I didn't do and forgetting what I did do? So I decided to look at the year in a different way.

In February, in spite of my fears at 52 years old, I went to my first art retreat. An Artful Journey started me on this reclaimed journey of my creative spirit. I met the very awesome Nina Bagley. Such a generous spirit who gave me gifts that had nothing to do with jewelry skills. I met women who continue to inspire me. I came home and started my blog and became part this wonderful community.

In April I traveled across the country with my son and his 2 cats. He was beginning a new journey that continues all these months later. He and I have not always had a easy time but I always feel blessed to be his mother.

In July my sister and I took a week long drawing class in St Andrews, New Brunswick. I learned that I really could draw. We had an amazing teacher who made it all seem so easy.

In September I experienced another amazing art retreat at Squam. My time there exceeded all my expectations. It is a magical wonderful place. I reconnected with Lorrie, Beth, and Louise who I met at An Artful Journey in February. I had amazing classes with Flora Bowley, Judy Wise, and Sarah Ahearn and met more amazing women that inspire me.

In between these big experiences were lots of small things. Moments that I sometimes forget to hold with the same importance and value as the big things.

So on this last day of 2010, instead of dwelling in what I didn't accomplish I will celebrate what I did do. I will not give voice to the choir of self criticism but instead I will say bravo to me! I started the journey!

I invite you to do the same.


I wish you all a very creative and blessed 2011.

A Little Christmas Cheer

We finally have a Christmas tree up and a little festiveness in the house. It is a little difficult to come back to California after several months away and jump right in to the holidays! I have found that sometimes it is best to just start and the holiday excitement will follow.



The sweet red birdies are from my friend Lindy's shop. I am going to hang them in my studio after the holidays but I wanted to include them in our holiday. I love them. Lindy just started a blog that is so fun! Reading it is like sitting in her living room having a chat. It is very much who she is!

We are settling back into life in California, but as always missing Maine. I am looking forward to a New Year and all the possibilities it brings.

I wish you all holidays full of joy and blessings!

Heading West

Our time on this little island is ending for now. We will leave the island on Sunday and fly to our home in California on Tuesday. It is an interesting life we live, this bi-coastal life. I feel very lucky to do what we do. I also feel a bit fragmented at times. A feeling of never being fully integrated in either community but never doubting I am part of the community on this very special island. It is the most wonderful gathering of people that have come to live here. Some born and raised on the island, others have come for all this little place has to offer. It is a community. It is friends and neighbors and family. I sometimes feel like this is not real life. This place of amazing beauty and people. But it is and we am lucky enough to be part of it for a few months a year.
So we leave the island and lots of friends hunkering down for the winter. I always look forward to returning in the spring, smelling the sweet grass, and gathering again with our dear friends here.


With Gratitude and Blessings

Reconnecting and 53 Things

I have not posted since the end of September! That was not intentional and I could come up with all sorts of reasons why but the most honest is I didn't think I had anything interesting to say. My birthday is in October and that is always a time of thought, reevaluating, and reflecting. So I have been on an inward journey the last few weeks, feeling like my life is all over the place and trying to find my center.

I have decided to share something I was not sure I would have the courage to share. On Nina's 54th birthday (a few days after mine) she wrote a list of 54 things about her and her life. I thought that was an interesting idea and decided to write my own. It was not so easy! I set it aside several times and tried to come back to it without judgment. To just write what came to mind. So here it is. My 53 Things.

1. I am more shy than not
2. Fall is my favorite season
3. So is spring
4. I would like to be a better writer
5. I am rediscovering my artist spirit
6. My favorite food group is chocolate!
7. I live a bi-coastal life
8. I adore my son
9. I wish I had some musical talent
10. I love to cook
11. I love long dinner and good conversation
12. I dream of going to Italy
13. The full moon give me insomnia
14. I love a full moon
15. I often have a choir of self doubt singing in my head
16. I love art retreats. They are where I feel most myself
17. I don't really know where home is
18. I still love candy corn and necco wafers
19. I love solitude but often feel lonely
20. Shopping malls give me a headache
21. I struggle with depression
22. I secretly love to dance
23. How I see myself from the inside does not match what I see on the outside
24. I am working on that
25. I would like to have the courage to take more risks
26. And dream bigger!
27. I would love to own a coffee house
28. I am very sensitive
29. I would love to design and build a house
30. I think I am a good friend
31. I regret not having more children
32. I will be a fabulous Grandma someday!
33. I have regrets
34. I try not to dwell on them
35. I can be hard on myself
36. I Love Love good coffee
37. I hope I have gained some wisdom in 53 years
38. I would not want to go back
39. My Aunt Alice was an inspiration to me
40. I still have a lot of dreams
41. I don't really like to play board games or cards
42. I would like to write something profound
43. And have the courage to read it in public!
44. I am beginning to claim my talents
45. I love the Rocky Mountains
46. I was a single mother and tried to do my best
47. When I was little I thought I was supposed to be Japanese
48. I want to see Japan
49. I love rituals and symbols
50. Laughter is always good
51. I feel things deeply
52. I have a good heart
53. I try to be worthy

Squam Classes

I started my journey at Squam with the amazing Flora Bowley. I love her work and the opportunity to take a class with her is what brought me to Squam. She paints in a very free and intuitive way. Layering paint on canvas in no particular way and refining as she goes, the painting reveals itself. This made my heart sing! It is my most favorite way to paint. What I did get from Flora was to trust my intuition and stay out of my head. She is an awesome artist and generous spirit. I was also privileged to have her as a cabin mate!

I may work on this a little more but it is close to done.

Painting in progress. I am not sure where this is going.

My second day was Journal Making with Judy Wise. I loved this class! I love all the possibilities! Judy is a wonderful gentle spirit that reminds you there is beauty and good in the world. Her journals are amazing. I love the idea of making a book and then filling with stories of my life. Some important and others not so much, but all part of my story.

My journal covered with color copies of my artwork.

Pages I am working on.

My final class was a half day sketchbook keeping class on Saturday morning with Sarah Ahearn. She shared some of her sketchbooks with us and how she used them. I often start sketchbooks and journals with great intention of keeping all my ideas and thoughts. It does not take long for the self doubt voice to start singing and they get put aside. I am not sure why I think they should have value to anyone but me. They really are just for me and to be shared as I choose.

We spent the rest of the morning on the docks in the sunshine working in our sketchbooks, each in our own way. It was a lovely morning and the perfect way to end three days of amazing classes.




I am still processing my Squam journey and trying with all my might to hang on to all I felt there. The feeling of possibility and inspiration and belonging. It is an amazing group that gather at this most magical lake. Wonderful creative women that come with open hearts and open arms to embrace this tribe that we have all come to be part of. What an amazing gift!

Thoughts on Squam

I am not sure I can yet put into words what this experience was. I know I walked away with a full heart and a renewed spirit. There was so much it was hard to take it all in and I know it will take a few days for me to process it all. There was the calm and quiet of the lake. So still that I could not help but become still along with it and take a deep breath, breathing in all of the goodness that surrounded me. I quietly set my intention for the next few days and we were off and running.


I picked Lorrie up at the airport Wednesday morning and we made our way to the lake. We had time to kill before registration so we took a tour around the lake. We were so busy chatting I am not sure we always knew where we were but it all worked out. We registered, found our cabin and settled in.



We got a good laugh out of our bedside reading material!

My bedside table...

Lorrie's bedside table...

We had the best cabin mates! Lots of conversation and laughter. Even a little booty shaking!


I could not have asked for a better group of women to share this experience with


I look forward to developing friendships and watching where we all go with our creative journey.




I will be back in a day or two to share the awesome classes I took and the art that came out of them.